Its inevitable and very difficult to not compare. And as a parent I got sucked into it.
Today’s child rearing theories suggest we forget the home, leave the clutter and look after our children, ‘if it’ comes down to it. But how is it that my supermom loved and looked after us, managed the home effortlessly ( our home was and is always impeccably neat and beautiful) and still held her own, all at the same time ( and did I mention, she also cooked up a masterchef meal at all mealtimes, had time to paint amazing thermocol paintings and also sewed our frocks(!!!) So I compare with the past – Why cant I do the same?
Given the explosion of information and day by day guide of what your child should be doing at each stage, I compare with the peers. Why did Peanut not start walking / talking as soon as his peers did, talking, eating as much…? Why did Buttercup not crawl early enough?
Peanut’s first playmate and our unspoken daughter, Princess, is one crazy brilliant child! When peanut could barely say ‘mama’ and ‘papa’, princess was on ‘astronaut’! Ofcourse she gobbled down her meals with little fuss and walked when it was ‘time’. It took Peanut a whole village of loving people to get him crawling and then walking ( by which time I was dangerously close to delivering Buttercup). So naturally in the face of such brilliance how can one not compare!
But that is exactly what I had to do – no comparisons, whether with my supermom or with Princess. For that matter with no one. Way easier said, than done.
Once again hubby and also understanding pediatricians to the rescue. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself’ and ‘let the child be’.
I felt like queen bee when another mom was concerned about her nearly 2 year old boy not speaking a word. Nooo, I wasn’t gloating!! Thankfully that’s not one of my vices! But I could empathize and give her the same advice I had been given, ‘let the child be’ and in time when ‘he’s ready’ he will surprise you.
They really are full of surprises, if only we let them unfold at their own pace. Only recently I woke up one morning to find Peanut trotting out of the bathroom trying to pull up his pants (he’s just about getting potty trained for the night – again late by many theories). He had managed to go to the bathroom and independently do his business on his potty seat, empty the contents into the big pot and put everything back in place. Tears of joy welled into my eyes at seeing this first coordinated movement without any prodding.
So overtime, I’m learning more and more to be happy with my present, keep doing my bit but let life take its twists and turns without having to worry about how others are wading through their life courses.
As for my supermom, well really there can only be one supermom in a family! Why think of outdoing the best, especially when one can enjoy the many pleasures like her lemon meringue pies and dal makhnis that give the bukharas of the world a run for their money and my munchkins get to have some great ‘naani’ food.
Its win- win all the way.